My hormones are running amuck today.
I just feel so... I don't know! Melancholy. I suppose it doesn't help that today is one of those blah, overcast kind of days outside. I've been dwelling over the question of how many of us are actually where we'd thought we'd be 10 years ago. The ideal job, the ideal partner, the ideal life? I think this started when I was watching this show on MTV called Ms. Seventeen. Long story short it's a reality show where these girls are trying to be the next cover model for Seventeen Magazine. And no, before you even ask, my dream was not to be on the cover of a magazine. My dream was to be a writer for a big fashion magazine or at least for ah… well, any magazine. Bits of the show focused on the writer who has a Carrie Bradshaw type role and I found myself being so jealous of her.
When I was young... I had things all planned out. I was going to go to college, get my degree and eventually land that job. Things didn't turn out like that. Instead, my family didn't do well and there was not enough money to send me to college so I had to pay for it myself. However, in order to do that I was working part-time while doing the college and could still only afford to take 1 or 2 classes a semester. Eventually it got to the point where I had to take care of myself financially and school had to wait for a bit... so while many people's parents were paying for their tuition and apartment and car and then giving them money while they did their internships and worked the low paying jobs so they could move up the corporate ladder... I was still working just to be able to support myself while struggle to complete the degree. And I've done ok for myself financially and finally complete my degree but currently I'm not in the profession I want to be. I do not 'enjoy' my current profession by any means but it's tolerable and it pays the bills. It's just at this point I'm financially unable to take a low paying entry level job somewhere. [Now is the time I could use a Sugar Daddy... :0)]
Oh well. I'm sorry for whining. I'm just feeling pretty crappy today... I'm sure I'll feel better soon....
5 comments:
My first thought when you mentioned your hormnones running amuck was, "Great a PMS post." As long as you haven't given up on your big goal of being an editor. You may not be there now, and you may not take the route you envisioned to get there, but you can still get there. What's that saying about life being all about the journey?...
sri, what you cannot do is give up. If you persist eventually you will achieve all that you want. Some people live a charmed life, it seems and the rest just need to work a bit harder and be a lot more patient. I can relate to some of what you write here. You'll make it happen and its never too late, which I know you already know on your un-blah days. Hugs, Sweetie.
sb
Totally understand what ur going thru now. A classic case of been there, done that for me...But I am sure u can get where u wanna be, if not sooner than later!
tq so much all of u for kind words and encouragement. i hate when i have day(s) like this - silly hormones. i just feel so sad. i guess i will feel better in coupla days and mebbe ended up feeling like a complete idiot for writing any of this. so im apologizing in advance.
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