amendments

On the heels of writing a post about being single and fabulous, I feel duty bound to make an amendment here.

While I love the freedom and spontaneity of the single life (as do many of you), deep down I think there will be a point in many of our lives when we will still want someone to share the (fabulousness that is 'us') with. Some are open about this desire... while others treat it like a dirty magazine they don't want their parents to find. They hide it in the back of the closet, tucking it under boxes and behind old clothes, all the while hoping that it never finds the light of day.

I guess some of us were absent that day in school when we were all taught that life isn't always fair, because just when you think you've successfully beaten back the desire for a relationship... there it is, tugging at your sleeve like an impatient child.

While I have no problem whittling away the hours flirting and enjoying the perks of being single... the reality is... I just don't want to be single forever.

My heart longs for someone whose lips know just where to caress the slope of my neck... whose hand fits the curve of my waist...whose heart beats in time with mine.

first kiss

For most people, I think that first kiss is something that's looked forward to with great enthusiasm and anticipation.

I am not most people.

For me, the impending act was more terrifying than the prospect of being caught red-handed in the supply room while you are canoodling with a co-worker.

Maybe it wouldn't have been as scary if I had done more in the way of preparation, like practicing on my hand or something like that. As it was, my only lessons came from watching TV. I'd scrutinize every kissing scene on tv, carefully constructing a mental check list. Okay, you tilt your head like this and close your eyes when he does this...wait, is he supposed to swallow your face like that?

When the big moment came, I was so nervous that I was literally sick to my stomach. We were sitting on his big bike and I had just applied hmmmmmm... lets see, a coat of nothing on my lips when Mr RXZ leaned over and asked if he could kiss me. Being the innocent girl that I was, I preferred the tube which he promptly ignored as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

My first thought was "It's happening, it's really happening!!!".... Oh nooooo! someone help me!

My second thoughts were, "Oh god, what am I supposed to do?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??!!!!"

All that careful note taking had flown right out the window and I was left in a panicked state. "Do I try to match up my bottom lip with his top lip? Oh no, he's pressed up against my nose...I can't breathe, I'm going to die! Wait! What was that? Was that his tongue? Ewwwwww!!! That is absolutely disgusting! Is he even allowed to do that? I am NOT sticking my tongue in his mouth! He can forget that right now."

Well, I am pleased to say that fortunately, like a fine wine... kissing has greatly improved with age.

bright lights, big mouth

Sometimes you feel as if you are walking down a catwalk, bright lights shining in your face, loud music thundering in your ears, flash bulbs erupting like tiny bolts of lightening...and all the while the room is filled with hundreds of non-singles...watching you...looking for flaws, for weaknesses, just waiting for you to trip and fall.

Well, one of those critical faces confronted me directly this week. A co-worker felt the need to inquire as to why, at my thirties, I wasn't married yet (she after all had gotten married when she was 20. She and I are the same age yet she has been married for more than 10 years and has 2 children, whereas I live alone and don't have so much as a parakeet.)

I gritted my teeth and gave the now robotic response, "I just haven't found the right guy yet." And do you KNOW what she said to me?"

You know, you should really think of trying one of those Match.com dating things... that's what I would do if I were in your situation. I mean, because really... you're not going to be able to have kids after too much longer you know."

A few moments of silence followed and instead of punching her between the eyes as was my initial reaction to handling the situation, I took another route. Instead, I calmly picked my jaw up off the floor, closed my eyes and strutted down my catwalk... hips swaying... lights flashing... letting the pounding music drown out the nay-sayers.

My runway, my life.

Let them ogle me...because the plain fact of the matter is, while I'm strutting ahead in life... they're stuck to their seats.

beyonce boleh malaysia!

This isn't a political blog, but I feel the need to point out the fact that I am a liberal woman and I totally totally agree with this statement by another blogger Unspun ...

Beyonce Boleh Malaysia!!!

It’s good to see people standing up for what they believe in. So I was real glad to see that the bootylicious singer Beyonce has cancelled her Malaysian show after the authorities there had ordered her to cover up and wear “conservative clothing”. Fuck that for a laugh. Bloody Nazis. As if a woman in the 21st century can’t wear what she wants! And anyway, what’s the point of going to a Beyonce concert in the first place if you can’t see her perform her outrageous onstage antics? What are the Malaysians actually thinking? That people would go along merely to hear her sing? Hahaha! But Malaysia’s loss is Indonesia’s gain. Cos to make up for the Malaysian show Beyonce’s announced she’ll do a show in Jakarta on 1 November instead! Bootylicious!! Long live Beyonce!!!!!

(read REUTERS news in New York Times)

bitching and moaning... fair warning

Trust me when I say that complaining about my personal life is not a common occurrence. I'm a strong, independent woman with a good job (sort-of), my own place and my own friends. I just think that there are several factors that have been feeding into my being a little uptight lately... holidays... birthday… reunion... lack of love and Friday night rendezvous with boyfriend, etc. So in advance, I'm sorry for complaining.

However, I was strolling through the stores in Bangsar yesterday when I neared coupla guys talking about one's high maintenance girlfriend. He confided that he's been having to put out a lot of money because she prefers to eat at the swanky restaurants in Mont Kiara (ok he didn't use the word swanky or Mont Kiara, that was all me) and she has expensive taste in everything. Apparently there had even been some dissatisfaction with the engagement ring he'd given her... it wasn't good enough. She wanted to exchange it for something a little larger.

Oh come on!!! How come a prissy little bitch like that can land a guy and I'm still single?

Seriously, for the most part I'm a pretty easy going girl. If you want to impress me, don't take me to a fancy restaurant, just do something fun or thoughtful thing. Hell, let's hit the DVD player at home and have beer and hotdogs... Go to a drive in movie... Go to a Carnival (Genting, my fav) and act like kids with all the rides and games.

I'm telling you... it just isn't fair. Maybe I need to move to a different part of the world to find a guy... (Merlina, I might consider Boston) lord knows there's nothing here.