she is still alive

Call off the search! Bring the hounds back!!

We found her!

Yes folks… I am alive and mostly sane… I think… that’s what the voices in my head been saying anyways. I’ve just been a busy bee with (u know) things.

Let’s talk bout this year – the year has been a whirlwind.

I’ve loved and I’ve lost. And I’ve learned to let go.

But most importantly, I’m looking forward to the New Year and all of the grand things it holds for me.

I suppose I should also confess that I’ve got a little secret. But for right now it’s cradles in my hand, next to my heart for protection - when the time is right I will tell you about it, and no worries, I won keep you waiting too long.

As for my blog, for over a year I have poured my heart and soul into this blog. I have shared my happiest moments and the moments I was at an absolute low. This ‘impetuosity of sri’ has been my ‘safe place’. A place where I knew I could be honest about what I was feeling and not fear judgment or persecution. Thank yo’ll for listening to me.

Have a super fantastic New Years!!!

an "I need a HUG" day

It can be difficult when, after getting used to physical contact, you go a day without any. And I'm just talking hugs here. I could have used one today. My day just went on too long and began in a hurry that set me on edge for the rest of the day.

fallin...

Alicia Keys said it best when she sang, "I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you." But have you ever wondered why they call it 'falling' in love when it can make you feel so high? Perhaps it's that feeling of inevitability that you are being sucked deep down into that person. Or maybe it's that feeling that you've just stepped off a cliff.

And I started pondering about this song after having a drink last night…

I keep on fallin in love with you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused

I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain
Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool I start fallin back in love with you

I keep on fallin in and out of love with you
I never loved someone way that I loved you...

Maybe that’s how I feel nowadays and I seriously don’t know how to deal with this feeling.

breaking the habit

So I was thinking…that dieting and eating right are so easy in theory…so why is it so hard?

It’s kind of like quitting smoking, only not because you can’t REALLY ever quit eating. Smoking is an example of something that is bad for you, and you know it is…but eating, that’s something you have to do, but it can turn into the enemy.

Everybody knows what to do to lose weight. Eat less overall calories, eat more fruits and vegetables, fill up on “good” foods and proteins, maybe even cut carbs or start eating whole wheat carbs. Sleep more, drink more water, try to do cardio for at least 30 minutes 3 days a week, avoid processed foods…the list goes on. But you know what, it’s hard. Anybody who says dieting and losing weight is easy is wrong. Mostly because in the end, you have to find out what works for you. Atkins may be amazing for you, or you could not be able to give up carbs. Weight Watchers could be wonderful, but you don’t have time to count points and plan meals. Jenny Craig can be great, but you don’t have the money (or time) to purchase the meals to stay on it. It’s a personal decision, and what may have worked for one person may not for another. And honestly, it’s a full time JOB to do it right. I don’t have time, energy or money to sit and plan out my meals, grocery shop, and make healthy food all the time. The best I can do is eating the kinda food ‘less fattening’ and hope for the best. It’s hard to be at work and not grab lunch with coworkers. And it’s hard to know what your schedule is going to be like and if you’ll have time to come home and make something good for you.

The funny thing is, that even when people lose weight, it doesn’t completely change who they are. Sure, they may become more confident, more aggressive, more desirable…but it’s not a cure-all. Just the same as gaining weight doesn’t totally change a person. If you lose or gain weight, it doesn’t mean that your debt will go away, that your relationships will be any better or worse, or that your career will be any different. It all comes down to how you feel inside, and how you present yourself. I admit, that slimmer, more attractive (and taller) people are scientifically shown to get more of a “break” in the professional world…but that doesn’t mean that the more average or overweight people are living unsatisfactory and unfulfilling lives. I know just as many unhappy, single, boring skinny people as I know amazing, married and exciting people who don’t have “perfect” bodies. It’s not a black and white issue.

I mean, in the end, it’s horrible that I spend so much of my time, energy and conversation thinking about and talking about this. If the biggest problem I have in my life is struggling with my weight (which has only been for last ten years), then I’m pretty lucky. Overall I’m a happy person and I enjoy my life, so maybe that’s why it’s harder for me to obsess and restrict myself, I enjoy good food and I enjoy social interaction (that usually involves food to me). Being somewhat overweight doesn’t make or break me as a person. And you know, if I died tomorrow, I doubt anybody would be like, “it’s too bad she never lost that weight” or “so sad she never got skinny and hot like she wanted.” So, why do I worry about it so much?

into the night...

One of my favorite songs by Santana since ‘why don't you & i’, (which is still my favorite) but man oh man Chad Kroeger and Santana when work together, magic happens!! And just when you thought you had seen the last best of…

The first time I heard the opening track “Into the Night”, I stumped, as to who it was? Once Santana’s guitar solo came in, though, I knew right away. Chad wrote the song himself, he never shields from affairs of the heart, and I would call this is his most romantic lyrical endeavor yet.

Like a gift from the heavens
It was easy to tell
It was love from above
That could save me from hell
She had fire in her soul
It was easy to see
How the devil himself
Could be pulled out of me
There were drums in the air
As she started to dance
Every soul in the room
Keeping time with their hands

Coupled with his raspy voice, it makes for an intriguing contrast of a cool rocker singing a valentine about love at first sight. Chad is not the biggest rock guy, but I love anything Chad Kroeger does either with Nickelback or Santana. His voice sends chills up my spine! And as for Santana, you know why he doesn’t sing at all? Cuz he doesn’t have to… His guitar does it for him.