love... lust... infatuation

As I was heading towards my daily work starting page online, I saw a link for a "How To Tell The Difference Between Love, Infatuation, And Lust". I still, at age of thirty somethin, have not been able to clearly make distinctions between these feelings. Unlike my friend, who says people are too careful with using the big L word (love, for those still half asleep), I probably fall into the camp of saving it for perfect moments and situations. It's not something I guard and I'm not holding onto it like a nun and her virginity, or placing it on a too-high pedestal but, it makes me cringe when it's thrown around. To reference one of my favorite shows, did you hear what George said to Callie on Grey's Anatomy? He wanted to wait to say "I love you" back to her and make sure she knew he meant it. Not the obligatory response to someone else saying it. I loved it when George said that. It's so true.

But anyway, so this article gives a way to make distinctions between these feelings (love, lust, infatuation).

Step 1 is to write down words you associate with the person you feel strongly about such as butterflies, snoring, annoying, holding hands, sex etc.

Step 2 says to circle each feeling with a different color: green for love, yellow for infatuation, and red for lust. (Why doesn't love=red?)

Step 3 then says to see which color stands out. If there is not a clear winner, then move on to the following steps.

Step 4 sucks and says to read scriptures or literature that describes love. Yuck! I don't want to do that because I have enough trouble listening to songs about love and not totally melting.

Step 5 might be good for feedback but will be hard to actually do. Ask friends (or other third party) to give their opinion on what kind of feeling they think it is. Show them your color coded list. I couldn't do this. I would be embarrassed because I wouldn't want to explain to someone the reasons why I may or may not love a person.

Step 6 I could do. Watch a movie that might show the feelings you suspect you have. Cruel Intentions is all about lust, Titanic is about holding onto love forever, The Notebook is about love, etc.

This is an interesting idea, working through complicated feelings by writing them down. Is it possible though to be in lust with someone for years? Or to be infatuated with a person for an extended period of time. Well, yeah, I guess so. I'm thinking of a list of examples…

put into words

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had. I was on the verge of tears the entire day and almost asked to leave work early because everything was adding to my stress and causing me to want to scream. I know WHY I was in such a horrible mood but it's still stuff I can't even put into words. Not because it's difficult or painful, but because I honestly can not string together the correct verbs and nouns to explain how I was feeling and what sparked my mood. But as I accepted the fact that I couldn't clarify to myself what was going on, it upset me even more that as a result I would not be able to fix the problem. How do you say to someone that you are upset when it can't be that simple and 500 footnotes are needed to explain and clarify. "I miss you" on it's own is both too little and too much.

"Why?" can either open a can of worms or elicit a disappointing and anti-climactic response.

In more lighthearted news, the situation with him (conservative guy) yesterday… I think I smiled more than I had in awhile when I saw him at the function hall. Having all clues point to me was a fun game for the evening but one I had to play with caution. I wouldn't want to come away from the situation with an air of deceitfulness as someone who plays around with matters of the heart. But I think I did a good job and merely filled a role yet kept the flirting to a minimum as to not act interested where I am not.

kick him where it hurts

When I was in primary-4 I had a crush on one of the neighborhood kid, we shall call him chubby cheek, but I was so shy and worried of rejection that I never did anything about it. Sure, it was primary-4 so what all could I have done, but it caused me to miss out a little on that elementary school Boyfriend/Girlfriendness. I tried though, in my little way, to let him know that I did indeed like him back:

I kicked him in the shins while we waited at the bus stop.

I know, it's ridiculous! We would stand there, waiting for the school bus and I would just kick him, over and over in the shins and he would stand there and take it like a "man." Nothing ever came of my weird way of flirting but I think it was because he and his family moved to another town the following year. I kind of missed him for quite awhile and always felt like he would have been my Neighborhood Love had we grown up in the same area. We would have inevitably dated or hooked up or something, I just know it.

But I digress a little because the reason I started writing about kicking the guy I liked is because I'm starting to wonder if I should bring back my elementary way of flirting. I feel like I need to kick some sense into some guys (ok, one in particular) and get em to realize that I'm in like with them.

i've been a bad, bad blogger...

But to be quite honest, i haven't felt like explaining my current situation regarding members of the opposite sex. It would take up pages and really, i don't think you want to read about it ;-) So instead, i will describe to you the difference between men i am attracted to and men that are attracted to me.

Men I am attracted to:

~are quite intelligent. most times a bit more intelligent than me.

~are quite proficient in the usage of english

~have an incredible sense of humor

~have a slight arrogance about them

~are goal-oriented

~like relationships/love but are not complete horn dogs

~are taller than me

~are scruffy

Men that tend to be attracted to me:

~are more street smart than book smart... which leads to them having a

~lack in proficient english grammatical skills

~do not have much of a sense of humor

~are quite narcissistic

~are only after one thing. and you know what that thing is

~complete idiots (literally)

~way too old for me

Now, i'm not saying that the men i am attracted to are not attracted to me. It happens, just not as often as I'd like it to.

This makes it very hard for me. With this list of "pros" and "cons" i head off to the labyrinth of fantasy land. That's right. Perhaps the men will be fruitful and my multiplying need for a good kiss will be satisfied. Wish me luck ladies...

bring it back on

I am not neglecting this blog in fact, I come to it everyday with intentions to post about things going on in my life. But then I stop myself because I need to keep my personal information a little more private at the moment. It is a big exaggeration but I feel like too much has gotten out and it is like trash in outer space-just floating around until someone runs into it. But don't worry, I still have stories or yore.

I'll regale you later.